The Dark Cloud of Cancer

Twenty one years ago my wife’s mother died at the young age of fifty six. Cancer quickly took Becky’s best friend and her main support away. It all seemed so unfair and cruel. We certainly questioned God and His divine plan. Her Mother, however, had out lived the other members of her family (Mother, father, sister) who all had died young from the ravages of cancer. This dark cloud has stalked us ever since. For twenty on years the fear of cancer and death was a real threat. We always worried that my wife would also become a victim. As each year passed, especially fifty six which was the milestone year, we were thankful, yet the black shadow always lingered close. My wife’s youngest sister was stricken with cancer in her early thirty’s and survived with prayer, love and after the long treatment process .  Recently she was diagnosed with another, different, cancer so the family cancer fear manifested itself with an even greater vengeance and overwhelmed all. The lurking threat became ever present especially as her sister discovered that she carried an inherited cancer gene referred to as Lynch Syndrome.  Those who have a parent or sibling with this gene have a high probability, of carrying the gene, passing it to offspring and have a very high (80%) chance of having one of the cancers directly associated with Lynch Syndrome.  Especially vulnerable are females who have a greater number and types of cancer. Once Lynch was discovered in the family everyone knew that they must be tested since if the gene was present it would require some very specific testing for the early detection of the almost enviable cancers. So the testing began and darkness suffocated all we did until we would receive the results of genetic testing.

It is like waiting one’s entire life and no matter what the answer, it would be a life altering revelation. It was difficult to relax, trust God or even pray. Helplessness maybe hopelessness was our general state of being. Almost an acceptance of what we expected to be the enviable life adjustments to detect early stages of cancer. We could only pray Hail Mary’s and to her Mother who was just beyond the walls of this life in the next room speaking with us about calm and understanding of God’s will.

We left for two days of a winery B&B experience in order to fortify ourselves for my East Coast position, which of course added much additional stress and uncertainty,  and the results of the genetic test. Upon returning home we received an unexpected call informing us that the geneticist wanted to meet with us the next morning. Every black fear that we had encountered along this journey now surrounded and tormented us. We gasped for air yet found little relief or positives in this sudden call. In was another sleepless night. Having trusted our lives and every situation to the Lord we had faith that whatever fears were realized, would occur for some mysterious reason and we trusted the Lord that He could sustain us in our darkest hour even if we never understood why.

The night before  we attended our final Lenten Bible Study where the theme for the evening as well as most of the study was about trusting God, which appeared to be strengthening us for our future adversities.

We went quite early for our 9 A.M. appointment and waited sullenly and in silence for our summoning. When the geneticist called us into her office we walked in quite a daze down the hallways. This was the moment that we never expected in twenty one years. We would find out if my wife and potentially all of our offspring carried the deadly gene. The geneticist had a slight smile that every person in a cancer ward appeared to possess so as to assist in creating a hopeful and positive attitude. We sat next to each other, hand in hand awaiting relief from the numbness just to know our fate. Very quickly the geneticist pulled a large stack of papers and looked us in the eye saying “your results are negative, there is no (deadly)  gene present”. Tears of happiness flowed as we just sat stunned and a lifetime of worry dissipated slowly providing us with the fragrance and spirit of new life. A life redeemed. A life reborn.

The only thing we could do was smile and weep for deep joy.

Twice before God has worked unexpected miracles in seemingly hopeless situation with answers that we couldn’t even pray for. Luke Thomas and Hope births were truly demonstrations of the Lord’s miraculous power in desperate birth situations. In both of these cases we could only pray for His will and our understanding in seemingly hopeless situations yet He provided remarkable physical healings and their lives are constant reminders to us of His love and power.

God’s spirit was present as we walked back to our car holding each other closely knowing that my life, my treasure , my best friend, had been restored unblemished. I don’t know why some people have the gene and some don’t but at that moment all I knew that I was the most grateful man alive and the luckiest person to feel my wife’s  total relief as we held each other tight.